the ravings of a delirious mind…

11/10/2008

Dancing the Tandava

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 6:55 pm

Pier A in Frank Sinatra Park on the Hoboken waterfront has been a pungent part of my life over the past year. Stumbling upon it for the first time I felt like it was a place I’d already known for quite some time. In a relatively short period of time it has been the stage for some very important acts.
Today around 3pm I was walking about it, enjoying the fresh and sunny weather of the day. During this walk about I’d decided that I wanted to sit in the middle of this diamond shaped layout near the gazebo that points to New York City. The last time I’d done such a thing is when I had taken my most recent profile photo, smoking a clove. So before I sat down I was off to go get myself a pack of Djarum blacks.
On my way I get a phone call from Lisa about how she learned that our friend Mike had recently had a brain aneurysm, had brain surgery and currently resides in an ICU. While sad this news wasn’t a terrible shock to the system. Mike has and does drink entirely too much booze, is known for eating, on a regular basis, ungodly amounts of the type of food that is terrible for a person to eat on a regular basis, and smokes, easily, two packs a day of American Spirits cigarettes.
Naturally my impulse to purchase my pack of cloves was shattered.
Naturally, it was replaced with the need to get myself a pack of American Spirits.
Along with spending $3 on lottery tickets.
Pack of cigarettes in hand I walk through a small grove of ginko trees whose leaves have turned yellow and have begun to form little yellow carpets on the ground to sit in the diamond that points to New York City, a diamond that also seems to precisely point north, south, east and west. I sit and stare at Manhattan (one of the M’s?), smoke my cigarette after making a lucky cigarette in the pack, think about Mike recovering from brain surgery, think about Mislaw recovering from brain surgery…
Seagulls fly about
I look around me and notice three seagulls at various edges of the diamond standing about and a fourth one sitting, very calmly, just a few feet behind me and to my left. Looking straight in front of me at Manhattan, directly in my line of sight, I can see the Moon (M?) quite clearly over the city.
Still smoking I notice the little image printed on the cigarette; a native American style image of a bird. I think about my two winged tattoos.
The time is 3:33.
I cast my spells and make my wishes.
Wizards and priests have always held my fascination.
Smoked down till the wings on the cigarette have gone I put out the remnants in the center of the tile directly in front of me, one tile closer to New York City.
iPod in hand shuffle chooses for me Matthew Good’s Indestructible to play for me.
I walk close to the water along the path that leads between the two buildings in Hoboken with pyramids atop them, Indestructible playing in my ears, my perspective wobbling for the third or fourth time within that past hour or so.
My feet lead me to the corner of 3rd street where there’s a restaurant named Trinity. I walk to River street and hang a right to notice a big fucking sign that reads 333 River street, the address of a rather snazzy looking apartment building, at least I think it’s an apartment building.
All the while, and all the time since then feeling a sort of knock at the door in my head and then thinking that it’s not a knock at the door so much as overhearing a dance take place, a dance whose sounds are becoming louder and clearer all the time. Shiva dancing the Tandava in rhythm to my heartbeat, the dance steps that make all the hearts beat.

9/13/2008

There was a time

Filed under: Babble, Ravings — Misha @ 6:43 pm

when the feeling of too much blood pumping through my heart
left me lightheaded, weak
and afraid of what might happen if any more were to happen
to increase the flow.
Now the feeling of too much blood pumping through my heart
makes me want more.

4/19/2008

While I’m still trying to find my own words…

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 2:49 am

a bit of the Bukowski:

so you want to be a writer?

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in
you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

12/31/2007

Happy New Years Eve!

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 6:07 pm

And a very merry happy 2008 to all the joyous, kind hearted peoples out there.

3/16/2007

People

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 9:00 am

I love the good that people can do
I love the good that people can be.
I hate the bad that people can do
I hate the bad that people can be.
People, at their best, are angels and gods
People, at their worst, are demons and devils.
How to proceed?

2/23/2007

Thank You

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 3:40 am

Thank you for teaching me how not to be.
Thank you, for teaching by example, the things that are wrong with seeing things through a negative light.
The madness and the pain in that direction serve nothing.
One is best served not by taking down but by building up.
Build
Build that mother fucker.
Leave the tearing down of things to those that have nothing better to do with time.
So once again
thank you
for being everything that I never want to be
and showing me what it looks like
to be that way.

1/12/2007

I would like to give a shoutout

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 6:46 am

to the Yahoo! homepage for, at least for a wee time, featuring a video that featured a fellow named Andy Mckee playing the acoustic guitar like few people do.
Hopefully this link will work well for some time to come:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4&mode=user&search=

I am extra thankful because this video led to the finding of other videos of other fellows such as he that can play the guitar in such a way, such as Don Ross and Antoine Dufour.
May other people stumble so happy and so well.

1/1/2007

Happy New Year!

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 4:08 pm

May it be the happiest one yet, with new standards in happy over happifying the happiest happies.
Make Happy Bunny blush.

P.S.- Happy happy.

12/31/2006

Good gawd, ya’ll

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 12:34 am

On the teevee today were services for James Brown and for Gerald Ford.
I doubt if there have ever been services more different from each other.
The early part of the James Brown service was building up to be the party of the century!
Then they had to go and let people talk… big mistake as far as I’m concerned.
The parting services for James Brown should have been a week long party!
or at least 24 hours strong.
What did occur was still pretty good, and the rest of it was pretty powerful.
Meanwhile, the Ford thing was so, so white
so old
so dusty
so lame.
Gerald Ford was ballsier than that, if only because he knew he could get away with it because not too many people cared about what he would say.
But yeah… old, white and dusty.
Maybe Gerald and James are out getting funky somewhere.
Along with Saddam Hussein (who was executed today).
I enjoy that image.

12/29/2006

Wake up call?

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 1:28 am

Lately I seem to have been a bit indifferent to things. No real highs, no real lows, no strong interest one way or another. Mostly meh.
Today I was out for a walk. During the last leg of my journey I was walking down a hill and I guess I disturbed a cat that was hanging out. The cat bounded down the hill, pretty joyfully it seemed to me.
Onto a street
under a moving car.
He/she quickly flailed his/her tail several times, slowly then a couple times
and was still.
This ruffled my mood.
I felt pretty sick.
I felt pretty sad.
There’s an audible pause that comes with snuffing out of a life.
There is something of a wrongness to it.
And it’s not really wrong.
Living things die all the time… it’s part of life.
We forget it, we deny it, but it is.
Things are born all the time, too.
Being born always seems such a special, good, “right” occasion
but definitionally there isn’t anything special about it.
The world is teeming with living things.
The world is spilling over with human life
and kitty life
and puppy life
and maggot life
and virus life…
I dunno.
James Brown has left the building and that was sad,
humans will most likely kill Saddam Hussein soon and that’s contraversial…
Gerald Ford died and the news is all over it because he was a president of the United States,
but the death of a 93 year old man that has probably lived most of his life in relative luxary is neither news or tragedy to me.
A cat getting squished by a car because someone was in a rush to get home from work is a tragedy to me.
Seems I care about some stuff.

12/27/2006

A spoony season

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 10:20 pm

There must be something about me this holiday season that is attracting, of all things, spoons.
I forget where she was, but from one of her last trips, my mother brought me back a pair of (Finnish) spoons.
One of her sisters got me a rather spoony looking spoon rest for the holidays.
My brother’s girlfriend got me an adjustable measuring spoon, along with a sort of spoon stand/rest for Christmas while my mother got me set of Japanese style bowls with spoons.
I don’t need so many spoons!
Granted, I enjoy the battle cry of the Tick, but I don’t go about proclaiming “SPOON!” wherever I go. I do not feel notorious for spoons; knives and sharp objects, yes… I have a bit of a thing for them…
but not spoons.
They have been nice spoons
but
there
have
been
too
many
spoons.

11/13/2006

X-Mas season!

Filed under: Babble, Pseudo Essays, Ravings — Misha @ 5:28 am

An important time for many reasons to many people.
For me, it has always been about the presents.
Presents, for a long time, have meant gift wrapped items placed under a (fake) pine tree in December.
Even within these limited, seemingly devoid of meaning conditions can something deeper and more meaningful be found and achieved. ’cause it has become more difficult to come up with Christmas lists. It used to be really easy to name 10-100 items that could more or less be easily wrapped and placed under a tree, presumabley by Santa Claus. Not so easy a task as years are digested.
The questions of “what do you want?” and “what do you need?” become more and more serious, or perhaps more and more defined.
The season becomes important because people agree to ask themselves those questions.
What do you want?
What do you need?
The result of the answers become more and more difficult to fit the criteria of being able to fit under a tree in home, or even being able to fit on a credit card for one reason or another.
The questions are still important.
The questions are still vital.
The questions are still critical.
What do you want?
What do you need?
Answer those questions sufficiently and you’re ahead of the game.
Fulfill those questions sufficiently and you may need to come up with some other game
or some other questions.

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 4:26 am

A god that is defined, that has boundaries, is not GOD. It is an idol. A god that can be talked about is not GOD. Any word or any combination of words is too small. Anything else is talking about your own understanding in relation to WHAT IS.
Borat is a funny movie.

11/11/2006

Gray skies are gonna clear up

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 6:07 pm

The Republicans have lost their monopoly on Congress.
Rumsfeld is out of his job.
Britney Spears dumps Kevin “K-Fed” Federline (allegedly via text message) and will fight over custody for their two infants.
It’s 60 degrees near the middle of November.
My mom will soon leave a job she’s finally tired of working.
Bastard has traded beer for vitamins.
Borat made more money than The Santa Clause 3 in their opening weekend.
I had pizza topped with portobella mushroom for breakfast.
Things are better than decent.

11/10/2006

The site returns, with quotables!

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 2:06 am

Good Earth brand tea bags have those little paper tabs that all tea bags have, but with sage-like quotes. Recent examples:

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
~Voltaire (1694-1778)

‘Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
~Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.
~Alfred Adler (1870-1937)

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minute longer.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
~Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)

Tasty tea that helps to warm me up, clean out my body and feed my brain! All kinds of goodness wrapped altogether.
Stay tuned for more tea quotes and other valuable tidbits.

7/6/2006

Dubbya’s birthday

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 11:32 pm

George W. Bush’s birthday is today. It was also my father’s birthday.
Discuss.

7/4/2006

God Bless America

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 8:54 pm

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060704/ap_on_re_us/homeless_after_iraq

“NEW YORK - Herold Noel had nowhere to call home after returning from military service in Iraq.He slept in his Jeep, taking care to find a parking space where he wouldn’t get a ticket.
“Then the nightmares would start,” says the 26-year-old former Army private first class, who drove a fuel truck in Iraq. “I saw a baby decapitated when it was run over by a truck — I relived that every night.”
Across America on any given evening, hundreds of veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan like Noel are homeless, according to government estimates.”
Nice, huh? You go off to a foreign land, supposedly for the sake of protecting your home and your country, risk your neck, manage to survive, and come back without a place to sleep. Me-thinks there’s something really, really fucked up going on here. You’d think they could at least stay at a military base or something.
Maybe they should all be allowed to sleep in the White House till they get back on their feet; that sounds fair to me.

6/30/2006

time for a lil’ Bukowski

Filed under: Babble, Ravings — Misha @ 2:45 am

This is a piece entitled Bluebird that I stumbled across:

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?

6/27/2006

Growing up with dogs

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 4:22 am

Whenst growing up with dogs (and especially having a World War 2 baby as a mom) one will always have a hard time disposing of food.
I was reminded of this today whenst cooking up a pork shoulder. It’s a cheap, difficult hunk of flesh to deal with. Several different muscle groups to consider, lots of connective tissue to work around, fat and skin to work around, a pair of large bones with an awkward socket to consider…pretty easy for a human to ignore, or when dealing with it, easy for a human to throw large parts away from…
a hunk of flesh that any flesh eating pet of mine would celebrate at the purchase of.
I think of my favorite puppy Wakko and his gusto whenst encountering a big ol’ porky bone.
It was always so joyous.
It was a joy that wasn’t much more complicated than “Woo! I have enough grub to survive more than a day!”
And what a joy that can be.
The thought and confidence that one will live for another day…
there is enormous power in that.
Such a thing gives monumental power to each day.
Each day becomes an edifice.
Imagine living life that way.
I think my beloved friend Wakko knew something about that way of life.

6/22/2006

An over-generalization:

Filed under: Babble — Misha @ 3:12 am

The liberal movement is, to some degree, led by strong women… which threatens the leaders of the conservative movement.
One of the more tragic aspects of this is that there are too few strong men who are not threatened by said strong women so that they may fight with them. Conservative men seem to be characterized as Man’s men while liberal men are seen as tree hugging hippies, or fags, or sisses.
Meh.

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